I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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