I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
