You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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