I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
