I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
