No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
