I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
