Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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