I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
