So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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