Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
