so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
