Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
