Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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