Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
