i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
