Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
