im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
