I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
