theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
