Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
