I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
