So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
