My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
