We're like a lot better than the average bears
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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