Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
