Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
