And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
