I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
