Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
