Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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