He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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