the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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