Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
