So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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