At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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