She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just gift wrapped bread.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
