Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
