I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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