happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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