her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
