god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
did you just send me my own nude
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
