Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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