Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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