Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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