Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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