Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
