Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
