And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
