So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
