I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
