I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
