I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am naked and annoyed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
