i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
