I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
