she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
