Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
